Coffee-Soaked Awards - Week of November 9, 2009

Welcome back for more awards. We're still mulling over what to do Monday-Thursday, but it seems like the awards are here to stay. So sit back and enjoy.

Sexual Emergency Award
We get it. Sometimes, people just need to try and find someone to sleep with. And, well, when you aren't in a committed relationship, it can be difficult to do so, which is often where the booty call comes into play. Just don't call 911 about it, even if you've run out of cell minutes. Seriously, just watch a couple of videos online, or head out to a bar or something. Oh, and if you've already called once, don't think it's a good idea to call again. You got lucky the first time.

Pity Them Award
Did you go to an elite, potentially Ivy League college? No? Then you probably wouldn't understand why they need to have their own variants on the "F My Life" trend. After all, not everyone can truly see the sorrow in "Martini only had two olives, not the three I asked for. FML".

Training Award
How do you prepare your employees for an armed robbery? Why not stage one? While effective, it might have been smarter to wait until the customers were gone. Or, you know, used video and hand-outs.

A Real Doll Award
A woman found a way to cope with her boyfriend having been deployed. She went out and got herself the next best thing, by purchasing a "high class" inflatable boyfriend. No word on whether or not he's just full of hot air, but it has been noticed that he doesn't cook or clean. In many ways, that makes him like just about every other boyfriend in the world.

I Said It Was A Free Kick Award
People get into heated arguments and fist fights over the game of soccer, but it isn't every day that an argument about a soccer match results in a gunshot. It's even less common when the soccer match is on the television. Yes, alcohol was a factor. No, it wasn't what got the men to watch soccer in the first place.

Pretty Sneaky Award
This may come as a surprise to people, but the police don't seem to key simply off of the clothing worn. A man in Allentown learned this for himself, after changing his clothes, and still finding himself under arrest. Given some of the descriptions given to police, it's probably good that they have taken time to look at other things, like evidence and clues.

Not Yours Award
Let's say that you come home to find a roommate, or perhaps a lover, asleep, curled around a bottle of alcohol. Most people would probably take the bottle away, possibly disposing of it. Most others, if they were the ones asleep, would wake, realize what happened, and go about their business. A woman in Michigan decided that she needed to draw a knife after her husband threw away her vodka bottle. Talk about an angry drunk.

Well, that wraps up our awards for yet another week. We'll see you next week, with another pile of random news events. Stay safe out there.