Goose roll-up

We had to tackle two stories today. Partly because we have the attention span of a gnat, and partly because we see both stories as being just ridiculous enough for inclusion. After all, what else were we supposed to do with a story about a guy beating up a goose statue, and a story about people stealing Fruit Roll-ups?

Let's tackle the second story first. So the police were called because a homeowner felt that their house was broken into. By teens who at first claimed to know the woman's niece. Oh, and the teens also stole fruit juice, and may have been high at the time. Sure, there's some information about them taking jewelry, too, but that's not important to the story (obviously, look at the headline). If these kids really were stoned, well, it does seem to make sense as to why the theft involved a beverage and tasty fruit snacks. Besides, they probably didn't want to take a lot of time to look for Mountain Dew and Doritos.

Now, moving on to the first story, how drunk do you have to be to decide that you need to take out your aggressions on a statue? Wait, take that back. How drunk do you have to be to decide that you need to take out your aggressions on a statue of a goose, just because it's a goose? Most of the world will never know, but a Salt Lake City man found that elusive level over the weekend. With the level of alcohol needed to even start planning this type of assault, we're just going to assume that perhaps this individual wasn't even aware that it was a statue he was punching and kicking.

As for his anger towards the goose? Maybe he's like Batman, and a goose destroyed his family. Or maybe he was just tired of all the honking.

Or it could be that they stole his Fruit Roll-ups.