Coffee-Soaked Awards - Week of August 10, 2009

So this is that summer that people have been threatening would hit for a couple of months now. We'd almost forgotten what it feels like to alternate between cooking while outside and freezing while inside. It's a good thing that we've got a pile of awards to go over today.

A Little Trim Award
No, we're not referencing our story from yesterday. This is about an entirely different kind of bush. All because the Scottish government is considering dictating height limits for hedges in an effort to curb "hedge rage". Roger the Shrubber could not be reached for comment, but there is a lovely path.

The Next Step Award
What do you do when you are on of your state's best-known lawyers when it comes to fighting frivolous lawsuits? Why, it's obvious. You sue the state for towing your car after you parked it illegally. Next week, we'll cover a story about vampires that donate blood.

A New Grade Award
A British Columbia university wasn't happy with simply awarding an F to cheating students. So they just went and created a new grade, FD. The university plans on only using it in the most egregious examples of cheating. If only there was some other way of dealing with students that don't follow the guidelines set forth by their chosen learning institutions. Thank goodness the new letter grade has been created.

Cash for Kids? Award
This should come as no real shock to anyone, but as it turns out, when you give away money to help people as part of a "back-to-school" stimulus, maybe you should find a way to keep tighter controls on how that money can be spent. Otherwise, you'll find yourself in a similar situation to New York, where the sales of video games and electronics have increased right around the time of the financial boost. Now, we will admit that the timing could simply be serendipitous, but we also won't be surprised when students try to input the Konami code into their tests.

Don't Bring a Car to a Knife Fight Award
Oh, Australia. How you continue to thrill us with your novelty. After all, where else can you read about someone getting stabbed in their backside over a parking space? Well, aside from Detroit...

Kids and the Web Award
It's almost time for school to restart, so that must mean it's time for the annual "what kids did over the summer" news stories to come out. Today's focuses on their web surfing history, at least according to one company that did some compiling of top searches on Google. While some people would be shocked over the adult themes included on the list, we're only shocked at the inclusion of Michael Jackson. Actually, we're more surprised that MySpace appears, because we didn't think it was still being used.

That wraps up our awards for yet another week. We'll be back next week, unless we melt thanks to the heat.