Friday, July 24, 2009

Coffee-Soaked Awards - Week of July 20, 2009

Welcome to another Friday full of news stories, under the guise of our weekly awards. It's been an interesting week, at least as it pertains to health care, and we're just trying to keep up. So let's get moving, shall we?

Guilty Award
Good news, everyone! Looks like anyone critical of federal law may have a reason to be. It seems that many federal laws are so vaguely worded that just about anyone could be a federal criminal, regardless of any wrong-doing. Especially troubling, the prosecutors don't even have to find proof of an intent for wrong doing before charging people. First, they came for the battery users.

A Big Sausage Award
When you start running ads about places to stick a big sausage, you might run afoul of the censors, even if you really are talking about a sausage. A British advertiser recently learned that lesson, and has been told to stop running their ads when children might listen, but also said that the ads were not sexually explicit. We expect to see a similar complaint soon about melons.

Healthy Slam Award
In a shocking turn of events, a man has recently filed a class-action lawsuit against Denny's, due to unsafe salt levels in their food. Listen, folks, if you fooled yourself for a moment into thinking that Denny's was little more than an upscale greasy spoon, then you probably also consider Burger King to be a fine dining experience. And when you combine bacon, ham, cheese, sausage, hash browns, and pancakes into one meal, you probably should expect to keep an EKG machine close by.

Isn't It Ironic Award
Earlier this week, there was a story about a man withdrawing almost $200,000 from his bank, because they refused to give him a mortgage for a much lower amount. The artist took the money, in $20 bills, to his credit union, and deposited there. Guess where the credit union banks? No word on whether Canadian singer-songwriters will be analyzing this, and comparing it to a large number of spoons when you could really use a knife.

A Little Nip, a Little Tuck Award
Okay, so it's not plastic surgery, but it's still surgery. Recently, a new record was set for the oldest transgender patient, as a 77-year-old completed the switch. Given that the patient used to be a green beret, she joins the elite team of grandmothers who could totally kick our asses if we said anything negative.

Take Two, They're Small Award
For decades, China has had a ruling about each family only having one child, in an attempt to curb population growth. Well, it may have worked too well, as now they are amending things, and actively encouraging couples to have a second child, largely to help take care of the huge numbers of pensioners in the country. If this doesn't help turn the tide, plans may begin on a new effort, wherein each citizen can only have one grandparent.

And that wraps up our awards for yet another week. We'll see you next week, with all new stories. Stay safe out there.

No comments: