Coffee-Soaked Awards - Week of March 16, 2009

Welcome to Friday, and the beginning of spring. Naturally, earlier in the week we were bombarded with green apparel everywhere we went, which is a nice precursor to the green that we'll start seeing on lawns and trees. With nature coming back to life, we almost thought that there would be a shortage of stories. Thank goodness for human nature. So let's get rolling.

Corporate Shame Award
People are understandably upset at some of the big banks, especially those that received bailout money from the government. It's gotten so bad that one of them is encouraging employees to not wear anything with the corporate logo on it. Next week, they'll be rolling out phase two of their plan, which is to put their corporate logo onto convicted felons. Or have they already started doing that?

Tight Quarters Award
How do you pass the time in Denver, Colorado? One man decided that he would waste away the day by getting himself into the vents above a pizza place. He got stuck, called for help, and was eventually cut loose, only to fall naked onto the floor. The man claimed to have beaten up on the roof before falling through the vent, but that just sounds so cheesy. Here's hoping he has a fairly thick skin.

Asking for It Award
So often, when a person is shot and killed by the police, the relatives come forward demanding damages. Not so in the case of a man shot in Canada, as his aunts have stepped up and admitted that he "led a terrible life" and might just have deserved it. No word on whether they believe that simply due to a dislike of hockey and curling.

A Cut Above Award
A woman who was arrested for cutting designs and her name into a lover's arm was given no jail time, due to the amounts of alcohol and drugs both parties took. If only there was some place to put her that would keep her off of those controlled substances.

Point Proven Award
What do you do when you're a state senator and you receive a poorly written letter asking why you're advocating slashing the education budget? If you said, "criticize their grammar, spelling, and overall education", you might be from Arizona. On the upside, the senator has made amends with the student. On the downside, well, education is still getting slashed, which will only increase the frequency of these types of letters.

Devil in the Details Award
A Washington state woman has come up with an interesting defense as to why she stole over $73,000 from a local church; she blames Satan. The church is now waiting to see how that goes for her, in an effort to increase their own fundraising.

That does it for our awards this week. We'll be back next week, with warmer temperatures and (probably) less blasphemy. Stay safe out there.