Coffee-Soaked Awards - Week of February 9, 2009

Well, folks, this will forever be known as the week that the stimulus plan was passed. You know, unless they need to put together another stimulus package. But, well, that's important news, and you've all probably seen a little bit about it here or there. It's also the week of the octomom, but she's just creepy, so we're probably not going to say too much about her. Anyways, on to the awards.

Maybe it IS a Clown Car Award
Okay, so we said we wouldn't really talk about the octomom. But that doesn't mean we can't talk about her fertility doctor, and the fact that he's got another multiple births coming down the pipe in the next few months. Seems that he's gotten a woman pregnant with quadruplets, after depositing seven embryos into her. Oh, and she's currently hospitalized, because the strain may be too much for her body to take. Also, this is a field were anything more than twins is considered a "poor outcome". If only there was some sort of committee that would look into regulating medical treatment, or possibly even an ethics board or something.

Worthless Award
We all know people who really wish that it was their job to do absolutely nothing. Well, it turns out that it may not be all that great in the long run, as the Cheboygan County, MI, drain commissioner has asked to be fired, due to the overall lack of drains in Cheboygan County. It's exactly that kind of honesty that has kept the person from being elected to anything OTHER than "drain commissioner".

Seeing Red Award
Just a quick tip, folks. When you're pulled over for running a red light, don't tell the police that you ran the light "because it was red". They probably won't like that too much. You know, unless you can prove that you're also part bull.

Self-Stealing Truck Award
What would you do if you came out of a convenience store to find your truck missing? Well, like most people, you'd probably call the police. What would you do when the police found that the truck had backed itself into a parking spot across the street? We'd suggest placing the vehicle in park, and removing the keys from the ignition.

Bless You, Unemployment Award
Leave it to a high-ranking member of the Church of England to put this whole economic downturn into perspective. According to him, losing your job might actually be a blessing, as it could allow you to "reconsider what you really want out of life." This works even better if one determines that regular meals and a stable home environment are just not that important anymore.

And that wraps it up for our awards this week. We'll see you next week, after we make it past the holiday bump. Stay safe out there.