Coffee-Soaked Awards - Week of December 1, 2008

Wow. It's been a little while since we've done one of these, but with the Thanksgiving holiday, we were just too full of turkey to be able to see the computer screen. And, well, we're writing this a day early because we've got some big things going on over the weekend, but we want to give our readers something to tide them over. Anyway, let's get rolling, shall we?

Sing it Loud, Sing it Proud Award
People tend to think that waiting at the airport is one of the most painful things that they could do. Of course, that applies double if you're flight has been delayed. But don't worry, George Bush International Airport in Houston has decided to give everyone a little holiday joy, and is bringing karaoke to the terminals. Naturally, this won't be the first time that the name "George Bush" has been associated with anger, headaches, and potential international confrontation.

A Religious Stretch Award
Sometimes, you need to take a stand regarding the education your children receive. When they're asked to create a scale model of Noah's Ark, we can understand being upset. When they are watching "Evan Almighty" to learn about animal noises, we think a different outrage should be used. Namely, that any school would rely on such a poor movie to help learn anything.

Taking Time Off Award
Maybe it seems like a good idea to some folks out there, but we have to pass along this tip. If you're planning on robbing some place you work at, don't call in sick first. After all, when you show up to take their money, there's just no way that they're going to believe you were really all that feverish to begin with, and you might lose your job.

Rickrolled Award
We're not going to link to it. We refuse. Because we like our readers. But seriously, now that Rick Astley and some overgrown puppets have "rickrolled" the Macy's Parade, can we just put an end to this trend? Seriously, people, when the jokee is now using the joke, it's time to let it go.

Clearing the Jam Award
Sometimes, it's just better to get a new printer. That seems to be the case with an office in Australia, which has had to remove a venomous snake from their computer room more than once. For the record, the "Snake in Paper Tray" light is usually found right next to the "Toner Needed" light.

Shocking Award
Hey look. It's a study that showcases something that nobody could possibly have figured out. It turns out that female art students tend to have more sex than male science students. Man, we could never have guessed that. And yes, the study also found good information about the rise in STDs and promiscuity, but what's important is that knowing the girl from your Monet class is more likely to be getting some tonight than the guy from Chemistry 101.

Don't Lick It Award
Seriously, for the last time, if there's a strange white substance on your coins, don't lick them. Thankfully, this time, it only seemed to be a laxative medication. And yes, that's a "thankfully" at the start of that last sentence.

I've Got Your *hic* Filibuster Right Here Award
We all worry about politicians making their decisions while a little intoxicated. Looks like New South Wales, Australia, may be putting a stop to that. They are seriously considering breathalyzers for politicians, in light of some recent events. Meanwhile, in America, they are considering a related proposal, called "Drink and Legislate, or How to Pass Nonsensical Laws You Won't Remember in the Morning".

And with that, we wrap up our awards for another week. We'll be back next week before taking a long vacation, and then returning with our year end lists. If they follow trends from past years, they'll be completely nonsensical, but hopefully a little amusing. Stay safe out there.