Coffee-Soaked Awards - Week of November 10, 2008

Ah. Do you smell that, America? We're over a week past the election, and we can finally breathe clearly, knowing that it's going to be awhile before we hear any more campaigning. Unless, of course, you live in Alaska. Or Georgia. Or Minnesota. Or any state that has people jumping the gun to get the next campaign started. Oh well, it was a beautiful moment while it lasted. On to the awards, then.

A Lasting Legacy Award
As it turns out, GDub may actually have something positive to leave behind when he ends his term of office. In the future world leaders may actually govern a bit more thoughtfully, not wanting to "end up like Bush". It's already happened with Russia's Vladimir Putin. If this continues, children may be told to finish their vegetables to keep the Bushieman from visiting them at night.

He's Too Drunk, I'll Drive Occifer Award
It's not often that the police get to make two DWIs at one traffic stop. And yet, when the drunk passenger decided to move into the driver's seat and start going while the original driver was being given a field sobriety test, the police were able to achieve a rare double. Police are now hoping to get the incredibly rare octuple, which requires a drunk driver in a clown car.

Shaken Up Award
It was only a matter of time before we finally saw one of these. A Mississippi man has invented the first vibrating toilet seat. Right, because men need another excuse as to why they miss the bowl in the morning.

An Odd Complaint Award
Some things, people really shouldn't complain about. Whether or not they actually got sesame seeds on their Big Mac. If their pizza had a few too many pieces of pepperoni (actually, this complaint is acceptable if you didn't order a pepperoni pizza). Whether or not a bank had empty cash drawers when you went to rob them. Later, the robber went on to complain that Taco Bell didn't have any hamburgers.

My Eyes! Award
They say a picture is worth a thousand words. This particular picture is worth eye bleach.

Saw It Coming Award
A UK couple is currently in the middle of a divorce. Why? Well, after meeting online, the wife found out that the husband has been cheating on her. Online. With other pixellated floozies. As part of the settlement, the wife is expecting to be given some mad l00tz with which to pwn n00bz.

Cured? Award
There's a legitimate chance that an AIDS patient may have been cured with a targeted bone marrow treatment, one generally reserved for leukemia patients. We have absolutely nothing snarky to say about that... we actually think it's pretty darned cool.

And on that uplifting note, that brings us to the end of our awards for this week. We'll see you next week. Stay safe out there.