Coffee-Soaked Awards - Week of September 8, 2008

Ahoy there, folks. We don't have a lot of time today, so this will probably be a condensed version of our awards. Besides, we seem to be loading ourselves up on politics during the week, and that's definitely having an impact on what else we're finding. Want proof? Let's go!

Ready to, Um, Do What Again? Award
This goes out to VP Nominee Palin. Admittedly, we didn't see her interview last night, but we've read about it. And heard about it. But hey, who are we to say that someone who doesn't know some of the basic things that the potential next VP should know is unqualified? Oh, that's right, we're voters.

Only a Theory Award
But there is something that Palin seems ready to do. She's more than ready to make a tenuous link between Iraq and 9/11. You remember, that's the connection that's been debunked by even members of her own party. Of course, it's entirely possible that the connection she was trying to make is that she was putting on lipstick one day at 9:11am, and was thinking, "I rock and roll all through Alaska". Either that, or she believes, like the Blues Brothers, that she's on a mission from God.

Partisan Man, Partisan Man Award
Of course, before we get too deep into things, we need to give a nod to the media for this award. That's right. According to an ex-Clinton aide, the entirety of the media is coming across as partisan. We just can't understand why they would say that, what with FOXNews prepping their "McCain as President" war rooms, and MSNBC practically declaring Obama the Messiah. We just have to wonder if IFCNews is looking towards Nader.

First Step is a Doozy Award
Moving away from politics, we give this award out to a man who was running from the police. He saw a small wall ahead of him, and decided to leap over it. Unfortunately, the wall was on one side of a 200-foot drop. Bugs Bunny couldn't be reached for comment.

It's Getting Hot in Here Award
We've all heard plenty of inventive reasons why people should be let off the hook for crimes committed. The most recent one? Blaming the potential for global warming. That was the excuse used, successfully, by people who had caused extreme damage to a coal-burning plant. Oddly enough, this is also the excuse used by Al Gore when in his private jet, flying to his overly air-conditioned home.

Derby Time Award
Seriously, people, how many times do we have to tell you not to drink and drive? And how many times do we have to remind you that, if you are going to try and do those things, you shouldn't decide that an impromptu demolition derby was the best plan? And this is why so many of us don't have nice things. Or driveways.

Well, that wraps up our awards for another week. We'll be back next week, hopefully with a little more frivolity to fill our plates. Stay safe out there.