Friday, December 14, 2007

Coffee-Soaked Awards - Week of December 10, 2007

Welcome to another Friday. This week has seen people across much of the nation experience a deep freeze, while here at the CSM we've been working on developing potential new slogans. What can we say? We're used to the cold, and it just gets our brains working. But enough about the cold... we've got awards to dish out.

Working Overtime Award
There have been a lot of criticisms of government over the last few years, especially with regards to the vacation schedules that they hold themselves to. Well, partially in a way to stymie GDub, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid is contemplating the idea of keeping Senate open over their usual Christmas-New Year break (which extends until almost February in most years). Reid has recently been spotted with a small dog wearing antlers, and rumors abound that there may be a way to make his heart grow.

A Red-Suit Wearing Grinch Award
Speaking of Grinches, it appears that there may be more out there than just Sen. Reid. Someone has been responding to some of the letters delivered to Canada's "Santa" with nasty letters. The content of the letters is unknown, but we do note that Billy Bob Thornton hasn't been seen in awhile. And yes, this is a surefire way to get put onto a naughty list.

That's Exactly What We Needed Award
Continuing our semi-Christmas theme, are you still looking for the perfect gift for that hard-to-buy-for person on your list? Well, there's not a lot of help this year, but in a few years, you too may be able to purchase your very own cloned glow-in-the-dark cat. There is hope that causing the mutation will help with repairing genetic defects in humans eventually. Meanwhile, these cats are not allowed to play the favorite game of felines the world over, which is, of course, tripping people in the dark of night.

It's Like Shooting Plastic Fish Award
Who knew that there was a competition in Australia to see who could throw a fish the furthest? Alright, put your hands down, everyone that watches way too much ESPN17. Well, it turns out that, in an effort to go green, the fish are being replaced with replicas. Hopefully the use of replicas will not deter people who enjoy grabbing something slimy with both hands, only to see how far they can hurl it. This should also allow more people to eat at the post-toss fish fry.

Stay in the Car, and Ignore the Pole Award
What's the best way to keep your child from finding out that you work as an exotic dancer? If you suggested leaving the kid in the car while you buy costume pieces at Target, you're wrong. After all, it could easily lead to the police finding the child and a charge of child neglect. Our only question? Since when did Target sell stripper costumes (outside of Halloween)?

Um, Ouch Award
There are many dangers involved with public urination. Some of those dangers revolve around electric fences or charged rail tracks. Others roam towards embarrassment. But it's certainly uncommon to find that a puppy has decided to use you as a chew toy while you're trying to void your bladder. We're fairly certain that the man involved in the incident will check all holes for small animals in the future.

Stick the First Amendment Up Your Award
It seems like challenges to the concept of free speech pop upon a semi-regular basis. However, we never thought that we'd see someone facing charges for swearing. Especially when said swearing, while loud, was also happening within the confines of their own home. Besides, the woman was swearing at an overflowing toilet, and who hasn't done that at least once? Heck, sometimes we swear at the toilet just because it gives us a laugh.

And that wraps up our awards for this week. Unlike the Senate, we're definitely taking a vacation, so look for the awards next week on Thursday, as we take a bit of a break starting on Friday. And the following week we'll be here with our Top Lists. If you missed last year's, we promise that this year's will be mostly different. We'll see you on Monday. Stay safe out there.

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