Losing their religions

Our stories for today are thematically linked. In one, showcasing religion led to an arrest. In the other, an arrest still happened, but there was no joy in Prayerville.

In our first story, we learn that dancing around a bonfire while wearing a t-shirt and underwear, chanting for the new moon, and referring to yourself by a name including the word "Raven" may or may not get you arrested. However, when you compound that with resisting arrest, disorderly conduct, and having your unsafe bonfire 10 feet from your home, you can bet that your witchy behind is going to get handcuffed. And that's just what happened to Waukesha, WI resident Brenna K. Barney, or Brenna Raven Moonfire for a little crazy. The cops were called by neighbors awoken early Tuesday by the chanting woman, and, when she refused to cooperate because it infringed on her religious practices, they were presented with little choice but to take the woman into custody, after a brief visit to the hospital.

Our second story teaches us that being angry with God doesn't give you the right to drive your truck into His house. This incident happened in St. Augustine, FL, as 23-year-old Thomas Nursey decided to take his anger towards God out on a local church, and also to his Ford F-150, which he used as the instrument of his rage. Estimates of the damage have not been made public, but we're fairly certain that, somewhere, a deity is mourning. Never mind that their property value just went down.

Of course, what story of religious exploits would be complete without a lesson to be learned from it? From our first sampling, we learned a number of things, with the most important being that, if you follow a nature-based faith, burning plastic may not be the brightest idea. Neither would drinking. And that whole adage about "Do what ye will, and that it harm none" thing for Wiccans? Yeah, that applies to waking up your neighbors at ridiculous hours of the morning, too. At the very least, be considerate enough to pass out earplugs to the rest of the block. And, for crying out loud, turn down the Bel Canto and wash off the patchouli already.

As for our second lesson, we've read our Bibles, and we know that there are plenty of instances when people get angry with God. We've also learned that He gets a lot more upset if you start worshipping some metallic animals or taking his name in vain. Knocking on a church door with your truck? That's really more along the lines of collateral damage.

Although we have it on good authority that it will take the Holy Spirit weeks to get all of the sawdust swept up.