Coffee-Soaked Awards - Week of July 30, 2007

What a surreal week this has been, at least for the last couple of days. We continue to send our thoughts towards all those touched by the tragedy, but we also recognize the need to push forward and return to something approaching normality. And that's why we're here to bring you this week's awards.

I'm Sure the Dancing is Impressive Award
When it comes to new musicals, there've been a few major successes in the last few years. We have to wonder if somehow "Jihad the Musical" will end up more like "Spamalot", or if it will end up like "Carrie". Critics, not taken with songs about bomb-building or the "Jihad jive", are already saying that the musical fails to either be horrible, or to be horribly offensive. Of course, if they ever do a musical of "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry", they'll be able to achieve on both levels.

Everybody, Stop Working For the Weekend Award
A new survey conducted in Germany showed an amazing connection between people having either poor or no sex lives, and their drive towards being workaholics. It's unclear whether the extra work is leading to the unsatisfactory sex, or vice versa. Maybe everyone should just take the rest of the afternoon off.

It's the Tubes Award
An article on Government Technology wonders if the Internet, and the Information Age itself, is causing people to become less intelligent. The author points out news aggregate sites, and, well, really any site that allows user-generated commentary. For the author to ask this question, however, we can simply assume that they don't read celebrity blogs, and have never played MMORPGs. Although neither of which can explain the genius behind trying to market a sitcom around insurance-pitching cavemen.

Go To Your Chambers, and Think About What I'm Doing Award
GDub has decided that it's time to deny Congress a break. The governing body will remain in session until they modernize US eavesdropping laws, as they relate to foreign terror suspects. The President has said that the Democrats "have not drafted a bill I can sign." Which really means that, until Congress gives GDub all of his toys back, and includes a bright shiny new Optimus Prime, they don't get to go play with their other friends. Congress, for its part, is willing to offer two styrofoam cups and some string.

This Seems Familiar Somehow Award
There is a movement being formed to get atheists to proudly proclaim their lack of religious affiliation. It's called the Out Campaign, and part of its efforts include trying to get proud atheists to walk around with t-shirts, emblazoned with a giant letter "A". In bright red. This should go well... after all, it's not like there's any sort of previous historical (or even simply literary) context from which to gather information. If only someone would make a movie....

Don't Pat Yourself Too Hard Award
So it's fairly common knowledge that fewer than 1 out of every 4 Americans approve of the way that GDub is handling the current war. Everyone proceeded to assume that Congress would save the day, and that they would pick-up the support he was dropping. Now, thankfully, we can see just how well the country thinks they're doing. Wait... 3%? That's it? Oh, wait. There's a margin of error. Thank heavens. We can rest much easier knowing that the results could be skewed by another +/- 1.1%.

We Could Be Heroes Award
This goes out to all of the emergency personnel, hospital workers, first responders, average citizens, and anyone else who has had a hand thus far in helping to recover from the I35 tragedy. From the people donating blood for victims to those jumping into the water, trying to search the river, from those putting out fires to those offering their words of support, our hats off to each and every one of you. You are all heroes.

And that wraps up our awards. Stay safe out there.