Monday, June 25, 2007

Let's play catch-up

Today, while there's plenty of news making the world go around, we've noticed that there's a distinct lack of "new" in many of the stories. Truth be told, a fair number of the items that we've perused seem to be flitting around subjects that, at least, we've touched on before. So, given the conditions, we're going to try to play catch-up with some of these news stories, ourselves.

First up, you may remember that we've discussed Paris Hilton, and jail, more than once. We can't honestly help it. Not only is she just so easy to make fun of, but, well, when we try to avoid writing about her for too long, our fingers just take over. Trust us, line after line of "All work and no play makes Paris Hilton an oxymoron" just isn't worth the space it would take up. Of course, we haven't made too many mentions of the actual news agencies jumping all over each other, trying to get that first exclusive interview (with CBS considering convincing Katie Couric to get incarcerated herself just to scoop the rest of the networks). And, well, we've avoided talking about her supporters (all three of them outside of her direct family). And yet, thanks to the good folks at TMZ, we now know about someone who's been holding a vigil of his own. Paris has her own pirate-in-waiting, and he's showing his support by dressing like a thrift store version of Johnny Depp and holding up signs proclaiming his devotion from outside of the prison. Which just goes to prove that stupidity really does attract other pieces of stupidity, like moths to very very dumb flames.

Secondly, a couple of weeks ago, we talked about Angelina Jolie and her movie, A Mighty Heart. Today we learn how the movie fared at the box office, coming in a disappointing tenth behind teenage detectives, surfing penguins, religious toilet humor, CGI superheroes, evil rooms, and the third installments of series that wore out their welcome halfway through the second movie. Of course, some are believing that the movie was hurt by opening during the blockbuster summer season, a time when quieter films tend to remain quiet, and disappear from theaters before they can find their legs. Another possible reason? Our bets are on the fact that Jolie has been so ever-present as of late (and just so darned wholesome and good), that people are starting to get bored with her. Plus, with a film that's just so incredibly important, it's going to be a tough draw, especially when people can watch her jetsetting counterpart trying to outscam a scammer in the Oceans series. Our tip to keep her from disappearing faster than Helen Hunt? Go back to the wacky. Kiss your brother. Wear Pitt's backhair as a t-shirt. That way, you can keep being the good samaritan, and people will be excited to see just where you're placing your next tattoo.

Finally, it really is all about the pants. Yes, those pants. After a long struggle, during which the pants saw a claimed value of over $65M, the whole thing has finally been put to rest. Unless, of course, the original defendants decide that they want to reclaim their court costs and lawyers fees from the judge who was suing them in the first place. And yes, if you haven't gathered by now, the case was ruled in favor of the defendants, with the judge ruling over the proceedings citing that, "A reasonable consumer would not interpret 'Satisfaction Guaranteed' to mean that a merchant is required to satisfy a customer's unreasonable demands." Of course, believing that Roy Pearson was a reasonable consumer requires one to forget completely about that fact that he had just lost his attempt to secure $54M (the adjusted number for the lawsuit) because of a pair of pants, which may or may not have been lost in the first place. The verdict does restore our faith in the justice system a little. However, the knowledge that Pearson is still a judge, and can still assess penalties reminds us to never visit Washington, unless we really need some pants drycleaned.

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