Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Does it come in salmon?

News has reached our desks today that the Pentagon has been looking into possible non-lethal ways to combat the enemy. Of course, we're not talking about things like beanbag guns or even something as seemingly logical as diplomacy.

No, the Pentagon confirmed that, relatively recently, they sought federal funding to help them produce a "gay bomb".

What is a "gay bomb", you may be wondering? Well, it's not a bomb that waves a rainbow flag and loves Judy Garland. The bomb was conceived with the idea of filling it with strong aphrodisiacs, with the intention of turning enemy troops into homosexuals. Homosexuals with such a strong attraction to each other that they simply laid down their weapons and, well, got it on.

This sounds like something taken out of an action comedy movie, along the lines of Austin Powers. Seriously, though, the Pentagon actually believed for awhile that this type of chemical warfare would work. But they didn't look at the full effects of creating such a bomb. Nevermind the sex on the battlefield, what about the dramatic increase in the number of interior decorators? And how would our troops handle showtunes being sung at them?

Before anyone gets up in arms, yes, we are aware that these are stereotypes. Besides, the world already has a "gay bomb". But really, how many times can you unload Elton John before someone retaliates?

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