So much crazy in the world

Which is why I welcome you all to another round of Shotgunning the News. I think, at this rate, I may need to trademark that name...

AOL Takes a New Tactic at Being Invasive
America Online, which won a 12.8 million dollar settlement against pervasive spammer Davis Hawke last year, has decided that, since Mr. Hawke hasn't been seen since prior to the court date, they would take their settlement out of his parent's property.

Literally.

Apparently, AOL, acting on a tip from an ex-girlfriend of Hawke's, believes that he buried a large quantity of gold behind his parents house. The money for the gold was gathered originally through a series of internet scams run by Hawke and his partner, and AOL has decided that they are going to take the money owed them through any means necessary. Even if they need to bring bulldozers into the backyard of an elderly couple.

The catch, of course, is that they have full permission to start this dig, even on the thin hint offered by someone who, it could stand to reason, may be upset that she herself didn't get a larger portion of the pie. Of course, everyone else who has been asked about Hawke's loot denies any knowledge. In fact, Hawke's mother is looking forward to AOL digging up her land, waiting to see them "make fools of themselves."

Maybe she's just looking to get some new landscaping done, and figures that America Online can help foot the bill. The problem is that she'll end up with a walkway made entirely out of unused AOL start-up discs.

Crazy Forever
David Copperfield has unearthed a secret on one of his private islands. If he's right, the islands may not be all that private for too much longer. Long story short, Copperfield firmly believes that he's found the Fountain of Youth. After claiming to see miraculous things happen to whatever touches the water, Copperfield is now supposedly having biologists test the water to see how it could affect humans.

My expectation is that, if this claim has any legitimacy to it, the first result found will be that generations will be forced to watch as national landmarks are made to "disappear".

And here I was hoping that Copperfield had finally succeeded in performing the act that most of us want so desperately to see; the one where he makes himself and David Blaine disappear. Completely.

A Uniter at Last
President Bush is apparently mad as heck, and he's not sure what to do about it. Apparently, he's not thrilled with what's happening in Iraq with regards to the political situation and the public support of the American presence. He also doesn't think that the Iraqis support the sacrifice that America has made to help their situation.

Of course, it can't really be argued that the Iraqi people needed to be freed from the tyranny of Saddam Hussein. He was a toxic persona, who was able to singlehandedly poison his own nation (along with much of the region) while filtering money into his own coffers. But, after he was removed from power, the concept for how to repair Iraq was firmly kept in the hands of the GDub Crew, as they had their ideals and didn't take the time to learn what the Iraqi people may have wanted for their future as a nation.

That, coupled with the fact that, because we haven't left yet, we're viewed as occupiers and borderline imperialists, makes the Iraqis less willing to go along with our views. Also, the overall ineffectiveness in rebuilding the nation, where Hezbollah is already making great strides to rebuild the devastated portions of Lebanon, has caused the decline in public opinion.

Our President. Uniting people in their disgust with America.

It Depends on What Your Definition of "It" Is
Bill Clinton has jumped on the Russ Feingold bandwagon. Almost. Just a couple of days after Feingold declared that Joe Lieberman "doesn't get it", Clinton decried Lieberman's political views, especially on the war. He then jumped out of his way to make the logical leap that voting for Ned Lamont would not be, in any way, voting for terrorists.

Come on, Bill. We all know that you're used to taking direction from your wife, but there's been a few times where obviously you claimed your own ground. If you can stand up and tell Monica Lewinski that she needs to smoke your cigar, then you can tell Joe Lieberman the same thing. After all, Joe's apparently used to being submissive around Presidents.