Coffee-Soaked Awards - Week of August 14, 2006

Sometimes ideas pop into my head, and refuse to be shaken loose. Sometimes those ideas bleed out slowly over days and days, as I attempt to make sense of them. Sometimes, those ideas forcefully release themselves. The most recent idea is of the later, and has prompted me to attempt something new for the Coffee-Soaked Fridays. Basically, this is going to be an attempt to summarize some of the more ridiculous items from the past week, some of which have already been covered.

Without further ado, I present the Coffee-Soaked Awards for the week of August14, 2006.

The Award for Most Futile Gesture
Surprisingly enough, this award has actually generated a tie between the celebrities taking out an ad hating terrorism, and the Presidential pardon of an actor convicted of moonshining decades ago. It was suprisingly neck-and-neck, but at first, it seemed that Kidman et al would take the award handily. After all, what better way to prove your dedication to democracy than to amass a list of Hollywood stars and get them to pony up the big bucks required for an ad in a newspaper. However, when you realize that GDub pardoned someone who had never served jail time, and simply wanted a (relatively minor) black mark expunged from his record, you can see exactly why this award had to be given twice this week.

The (Un-)Constitutionality Award
Domestic spying has been under fire since its existence was formally announced. However, it wasn't until this week that the program was finally declared unconstitutional, with a demand made for it to halt. After being under intense scrutiny, and with supporters clamoring over its necessity, this is a big blow to the surveillance program. However, GDub (himself a perpetual nominee for the award) solidified the victory for wire-tapping, by swearing to overturn the federal ruling. Chalk up another (possible) victory for the right to spy on our own citizens.

The "Duh" Award
The Academy Awards have been around almost as long as the movies themselves, and gifts to celebrities have often been a part of those awards, at least in recent years. Well, congratulations to the IRS for finally realizing that those gift baskets being doled out to the nominees and winners may not actually be out of nothing more than generosity and compassion. Nope, they may be given out because of hopes for financial returns and free advertising. Consequently, the IRS has decided to finally start taxing these items. Guess now the Oscar will have to be reward enough itself.
Coming in a close second is the federal judge who figured out (through hours of Holmes-ian reasoning, no doubt) that tobacco companies have been deceptive.

The Award for Excellence in Commentary
Not all awards can go out to people that have done bad and/or stupid things, and this particular award goes out to Jon Stewart of The Daily Show. Why? Well, aside from his style of news delivery, and the way that he's drilled other news programs in the past for their own pandering on an issue, this week Stewart outright accused CNN of "fearmongering", possibly in an attempt to raise ratings, especially in the face of FOXNews and MSNBC. Here's hoping that Stewart continues to unabashedly cover what he feels needs to be covered.

The Pot and the Kettle Award
This award goes out to Justin Timberlake, for his attacks against Taylor Hicks, this year's American Idol. Justin, in a recent interview, made mention of the fact that Hicks is, in his own estimation, unable to sing, and, god forbid, might be gay. Oddly enough, these same comments have been said for years about Timberlake.

So that's that. An attempt at a new direction for Fridays, and we'll see if they take off. Let me know what you think.